Big changes

Lots of big decisions this week.  It's been emotional as a mom, and I like to be honest here, so here goes.  Signing day was this week for high school football.  We have had Andrew play football up until this point mainly to stay in shape since he is a bigger kiddo, but also because we felt like of all the sports, this one fit him as he is strong as an ox.  We had high hopes that high school football would be a different experience than the other years.  While club football was tough, the coaches cared about him and tried to teach him and treated him well for the most part.  When we got to middle school, the coaches didn't even know his name and barely got him in at all, even in practice.  Of course, also in middle school, Andrew found his love for music with both the trumpet and the guitar/bass plus choir, and he decided he really wanted to focus on music.  Now it's true, in our town you can do both football and marching band, but it's hard and I was dreading it honestly. I think high school is going to be a huge adjustment for him and to add in both football AND marching band with a field show and plays to memorize was going to be a lot.  We let him make the final decision and he decided to not continue with sports in high school.  This may also include wrestling but one sport at a time at this point.  To be continued.  We are sad because while it's so awesome to see him find his way and chose music (former band nerd here over the moon), we were both athletes and we know it's in there that he could turn it around and be great when he gets his body figured out.  It's tough when you have an idea of what you kid will be like and love and they go a complete opposite direction, but we are also both so excited for his musical journey that it makes the sadness a little less.  Dad of course is struggling the most BUT he's been very careful with his words and for that, I am proud.  We are NOT disappointed with him in any way, just sad he is giving up on sports.   

We had three runs and two work outs this week.  Tried to shift things around to miss the rain but Sunday morning started with rain and yuck and we had to get in our run in before the festival.  Avoided the mud and muck by running at the rec complex and then of course stepped in a huge mud puddle right in front of the house and got covered.

We had lots of rain all week which made puddle pig very happy.  

Let's end on things that brought me joy this week.  Watching this guy jam out playing not only Pink Floyd but also Metallica!  Watching him grow in his talent has been a super fun ride.

National beer day courtesy of Manhattan Brewing Company!

Salad bars are making a comeback in our little town!  The grocery store opened up a new salad bar, and I was first in line.  I LOVE a good salad bar with protein options and cottage cheese!  Bonus, Tony's company did the electrical for the salad bar.  We love serving our community and are glad that more and more local businesses are choosing to use us locally.  We believe in shopping locally and using our local partners even if it's more expensive and we hope that other local businesses feel the same.  We don't want to lose some of these establishments as we would have to drive a ways to get the same goods and services and be in a different community.  We want our money to stay here.

Speaking of local, local festivals are the BEST!  Tulip festival in Wamego means live music, lots of arts and crafts vendors, and BEER at the beer garden.  This year we got to walk around the whole grounds with our beers which I LOVED!

We bought a few things, mainly for the dogs but we had fun walking around and saying hi to all of our neighbors.  We love this little community SO much!

I think this hat is totally true for me right?

I also got this to keep stella with me at all times.  

To end I will show you the power of social media.  I met Jodie on a Facebook running group years ago.  We both had aussies so of course we immediately bonded.  Then bonus, we became friends outside of the group and we found out we share a birthday.  When she asked me for my address the other day, I wondered what she was up to.  When the box came, I just knew it was something special and I called my mom to be on the phone when I unboxed it.  

She took pictures of Stella and I and somehow put them on this aussie cut out.  It's perfect and I bawled and my mom bawled and I immediately got it hung up in my bedroom next to my bed.  I've been wanting to make a wall of Stella, and this is the perfect first addition.

It's crazy how social media can be such a good thing and then such a bad thing all at the same time.  I've made some pretty special friends through dog running groups and Facebook in general, many of whom I may never met in person.  This is the good part of social media for sure.  They cheer me on from afar, let me cry in their DMs, and like and love my pictures not only of my dogs but also my kiddo.  

Have a great week y'all!

Questions?

First let's start with the week.  Three runs, one interrupted by a pop-up T storm but thankfully I was near the shop and ducked in right in time,

 one that was meh due to the wind,

 and one that was really good out on my gravel route where Mudpig was very, very happy.

Two lifts this week, one upper body plus an ab set and one lower body that I had to rush like no other but also still focus on form.  

Some more random things about this week:

A good friend saw this book and had to buy it for me.  She isn't a hugger, but I sure wanted to hug her.  My reoccurring dream is that I have enrolled in a college class and forgot until the final and have to take the final or fail.  Do you have a reoccurring dream?

My kid is back to loving Mexican food.  I'm here FOR IT!  You don't have to ask me twice to go to taco Tuesday even if I will get the steak fajitas anyway.  

Saturday plan change but was able to get Boom to the vet for shots and for heartworm testing.  He's a big old baby, but some squeeze cheese and some cookies convinced him he wasn't dying.  His favorite vet tech is now in her second year of vet school and not working at the clinic and he sure does miss her.  

Andrew decided he wanted to do an easter egg hunt.  We are in the in between age of still hanging on to things that kids should do while still wanting to grow up and be older.  The local farm place was doing hunts for older kids, but I just didn't see the point in paying that much money for a rice Krispie treat and a bunny sticker.  I convinced him to do a deconstructed Easter basket and skip the hunt.  We had pizza at Ajs since he claimed that the farm had the best pizza (proven false).  We stopped by Therapie and got bunny cookies that were some of the best sugar cookies I have ever eaten.

We went shopping for Atari games at the local retro shop, had beers at MBC, and stopped at the game shop to check out Lego sets and found they had a new game room for board and dice games.  When you find Tensie dice, you must play tensie!

I feel like it was a much better day and money much more well spent.  Not that I don't love supporting local businesses, especially ag tourism, but it's more geared towards younger kiddos at this point not his age.  He's getting too big for kid's things, yet his heart is still a kid.  Being 13-14 is so freaking tough!

For Easter, we celebrated with an Easter Brunch at High Wind Brewery in Junction City.  We had breakfast pizza, breakfast burgers, waffles, and a seltzer flight.  I really liked the Strawberry and Watermelon the best.  We had hoped that the wildlife center in Milford was open for a visit, but it was closed due to Easter, so we just took a nice drive around Milford and Junction and then headed back home.  All in all, a great week, the quiet before the storm of racing season with lots of good family time.  

I did want to talk about a few thing before I close out.  I sometimes get questions from readers or on my FB page where I do live videos and I wanted to address one of those right now.  The question was why I am running Ollie so much on pavement.  She's a young dog and it's hard on her joints and bones.  The simple answer is that where I run on pavement is mostly traffic/car free.  I can park at our shop and run straight from there and go either way and get four to five miles with minimal cars and distractions that send ollie over the edge.  While we've done a lot of work to get her mindset different when it comes to cars, she still loses her ever loving mind over anything that moves really.  If I leave from my house to get to gravel, I have to run about 0.75 miles through neighborhoods with lots of traffic and lose dogs and down a road that is a designated truck route that has zero shoulder or sidewalks and giant semis and grain trucks.  By the time we get to gravel, she is so over the top and usually very hot and tired from losing her shit every five seconds.  Yes, the gravel itself has very little traffic and yes, I could get Tony to drop me off and pick me up, but he is usually busy when I am running, unless it is the weekends.  I do feel like I am not doing high mileage right now and I am only running 3 days a week so this shouldn't do damage.  Ollie is also on some good joint supplements and has been since joining our family.  I will always evaluate her gait and keep into consideration her physical state.  I keep her light and fit and I think she will be okay.  I hope someday to increase our mileage and possibly run ultras with her but that will be a few years down the road.  

And last, I get a ton of questions about her drinking out of puddles.  Yes, I know the risks and yes, she is annually vaccinated for Lepto.  No, I have never had another dog so in love with water, so this is new to me.  None of my other dogs would even drink from puddles even if they were super-hot and thirsty, and I love that she knows to cool herself off by using them.  I also do flea and tick meds when the season is upon us.   She truly has a working dog's coat because as it dries, any mud just falls off and she is good to go.

Hope this clears the air and if you have any questions, please ask me!  I am an open book and LOVE to talk about running with dogs.  

Have a great week y'all!  Sounds like we are in for some April showers. Stay dry!

Sometimes you just have to go with the flow

Another crazy week in the books.  Another person quitting or I should say moving on at my work that completely changes everything.  Sigh.  Glad I am on medication right now!!!!  I am handling constant change so much better than I use to.  Growth and better living through chemistry.  I'll take it.  

Three runs and two work outs.  I thought about adding a fourth run, but Tony said focus on muscles for now and so I did.  One of my phone cameras is cracked it and takes the trippiest pictures now.  Thanks to Brickhouse Nutrition for fueling my work outs.  

More health stuff for now this week, a mammogram and Andrew had med check for his ADHD meds.  Still haven't heard back about my mammogram but no news is good news, right? Also, the referral has been sent to the high-risk cancer doc, but I haven't heard anything back from that either.  I need to get the dogs in for heartworm checks and Boom is due for shots but just haven't had the time.  I need to get a therapy visit in there too.  There just aren't enough hours in the day.   I've been working 10 hour days, and I just am keeping my head down, getting done what I can in a week, and not worrying about what I can't get done.  I know that Boom is covered more than likely due to him being older and probably have high enough titers to cover him.  

In other news this week, we spent the weekend just being together as a family and doing fun things.  Not that racing isn't fun, it is a ton of fun but it's also stressful and busy and crazy.  I wanted us to just have fun, go visit some music stores, start looking at jazz basses and have a nice meal using our gift card that Jessica from the track got me for my birthday.  I found two music stores in Topeka, and we headed out just to look.  Funny enough, the second store we went to had an amazing deal on a fender jass bass and we couldn't leave without it.  I know, I spoil my kid rotten but to see him smile SO big when he started playing and to see him so excited about a musical instrument just made me SO very happy.  Now to pray that my washing machine, which was going to be my big purchase with my overtime and bonus money stays running.  

It's so beautiful and it has the most beautiful sound.  He loves it so much and I am so happy to see him so happy.  Now to find a smaller amp!

Also, he got his first vinyl.  Red Hot Chili Peppers for the win!  We will be going back as they had a really awesome used vinyl selection.  We have a local record store as well that needs our love, just will have to wait till the students are all gone so it's townie time and less to deal with since it's down in the bar district, also known as Aggieville.

Have a great week y'all!!!  I'll be jamming out to RHCP and the sounds of a smooth bass guitar constantly being plucked in my house!

H.O.T

Not much to write about this week which is good.  Here are a bunch of pictures and some words so I get off of my butt and go run :)

The theme this week with regards to running was H.O.T.  No heat acclimation for us, I guess.  Ollie isn't handling it well, so we did 1-mile loops to keep her near the water bucket.  Basically, an out and back to the end of the industrial park. Pretty boring for most, but for me, nothing a good podcast can't take care of.  At least one of the runs had a puddle she could get in about halfway.  The rest of the week, no puddle, so we did our normal walk breaks every four minutes and got it done.  The wind Sunday was really bad as well making our mileage a little shorter than we had hoped for.  Welcome to weird spring and the crazy wind in Kansas.  Two lifts this week and this happened:

This isn't the first time I hit myself with the bar, but this is the first time I've done it with that much force.  I bit my tongue on both sides and had a little swelling for a couple of days.  Just about knocked myself clean out.  Now I know how boxers feel when they get a good uppercut to the jaw.  This was on a shoulder press no less with the bar in front rack.  I've hit my nose before and grazed my chin but never right on the kisser like that.  Luckily Tony was at the shop at the time, but he was outside and I couldn't find him when it happened, so I continued my work out.  I felt this for several days in my tongue and face.  As of typing this on Sunday, I am still sore.  Just mad I didn't get any type of bruise to show for it!  

Saturday did not go to plan, but we made the best of it.  It was the first time in 7 years I wasn't working the arrive and drive at the TKQMA track and it felt so weird.  I have heard that they had record numbers and I am so excited for them to get new members, new blood, and money into the coffers.  The boys did let me go to MBC for a beer or two as we made several trips to get parts for race cars.  It helps now that right across the street there is a shop that sells vintage video games to entice Andrew to want to be down on Pontyz.  The last few years I have really been into summer beers with lime and once again, I am here for it.  Limebash at MBC is the PERFECT summer beer.  Go have one if you are in town!

And let's end on a health update?  I am a week into the estrogen patches and so far, I've had horrible cramps, horrible fatigue, and a pop-up period.  Not loving this but willing to go through it to see if this helps with my anxiety.  I have a week of doctor's appointments this coming week with another round with my PCP to check in on how all the meds are affecting me and my yearly mammogram.  Still haven't heard back from the high-risk cancer doctor that i am supposed to visit due to my score being so high on my high-risk cancer quiz.  Thanks to mom for helping me fill that out because it mainly focused on my biodad's family and their health.  I only have one living aunt on my dad's side of the family left to help us fill in the blanks.  

Have a great week y'all!

Toxic and Health update part deux

More on that title at the end........

Another week, another concert.  This time choir.  So excited that Andrew has decided to keep at choir in high school. While he isn't the best singer out there, I feel like there is so much good in fine arts and being a part of both band and choir.   As always, I loved the final number which is a collaboration between the high school and the middle school choirs.  Also LOVED the competition piece that our high school choir is going to be competing with.  I mean who doesn't love a well sung Latin song.  The solos were so amazing as well.    

Two runs and two work outs (upper and lower body).  It's been a weird week and I'm just happy to get whatever I can this week.  One run with Boom (4) and one run with psycho chick (5).   I miss how easy it is to run with Boom who cares nothing about cars, birds, airplanes in the sky, the worm the wriggled in the dirt, the cow that farted two miles away.  I kid but she is SO sensitive to EVERYTHING!  He is so quiet and so sweet ad a perfect little running partner.  I so wish I could run with both of the again and may try this spring and see if Ollie has calmed down.  

 

First of all, marry a man who puts up with your moods/health issues/anxiety.  This is a picture of Tony putting on my estrogen patch for me.  

Health update part two.  I met with an endocrinologist this week finally to discuss a path forward with regards to my thyroid.  Spoiler alert, the path is wait and hold.  The mass that I feel is NOT a nodule; it's the actual thyroid itself.  As to why it's so pissed off, we aren't sure, but until it causes issues and or my mom's nodule testing comes back cancer, we are just in a wait and hold period.  Yearly ultrasounds for sure and a follow up in a few months to check in and see if changes have happened.  Surgery is always a possibility, but only if it causes compression issues like I can't swallow or I can't breathe.  We aren't there yet, but if it gets bigger, we could be.  Anway, watching my mychart app as the test results roll in and I don't think I am a positive for any of the auto immune issues that might have caused the size change so that is a bonus.  I was shocked and pleased to hear at least in my endocrinologist's practice that needle biopsies aren't as common anymore as they felt like 90 percent or more of nodules are benign and it's a waste of time and money to do them.  The best news of anything????  My endo is a board-certified menopause specialist who LOVES working with women who need answers and boy do I ever.  She is putting me on estrogen patches and cream and is allowing me to up my progesterone so that I sleep at night all night.   I will take extra weight in exchange for sleep.  I am so excited to FINALLY get on the road to being me again, even if old me was just as crazy.    

We did celebrate Pi Day in Manhattan with pie from Aj's pizza and pie from Therapie, two of our favorite local joints.

The French silk is like melt in your mouth amazing.  We also now have to go to the snow cone place any time we are in town and while I felt like we had enough sugar, I was about to make the Andrew sit in a brewery for a few hours, so I relented. Shark attack snow cone for the win.  Another local business hit up as well.  

Finished the night at Manhattan Brewing Company.

We had beers, live music, and good food from Piccalilli Farms.  Two more good local companies that we love to support.  

Of course, the Church Ladies Unsupervised brought a big crowd with them and we had fun singing along with their tunes.  Andrew got to see an upright base being played and that was the goal of us being there.  I love exposing him to so much good live and local music.  He's still developing his style and his tastes, and my goal is to get him to as much live music as I can so that he can see a wide variety.  

Let's end on this.  I would love to develop the skill mentioned above and if anyone has ANY tips to help my brain, please share.  Toxic is not a word I've ever been called and while I know it's manipulation, it still hurts.  I've been accused of creating a toxic work environment and while I know that isn't true at all, hearing those words has affected me in ways I never thought it would. Words hurt and I've always worn my heart on my sleeve so that pierced it quite quickly and caused me some sleepless nights.  I apologized to the coworkers I care about, and they assured me that I did not cause any issues in their minds.  I am always working on me and if I am not the best version of me, then I want to know.  This is why I go to therapy.  I've had some self-doubt this week and I will definitively treat the work environment differently from now on moving forward.  I hate to think that work is just about showing up, doing my job, and leaving, but I think for my mental health, that is what I am going to have to do.  I'm still on the fence about upping my meds versus waiting to see if my estrogen patches kick in.  I do have a follow up appointment next week and I guess we can talk all the options over and see what we think is best as a team.  Stay tuned.  

Have a great week y'all!  It's supposed to be negative wind chill and 90 all in the same week so there is that!

Statins are the devil

Let's start this week off right!  Andrew had his spring band concert.  The 8th grade band only got to play 3 songs which makes me sad that they only got three, but they were all good.  The 1st chair trumpets are struggling a little bit with their high notes but some of the songs were very high and technical and that is to be expected of an 8th grader.  Andrew was very congested and didn't feel well but got it done and now they can work on their competition piece for solo and ensemble.  It's always so cool to see the growth in all the bands at this point, especially the 6th and 7th grade bands.  It's hard to believe that next year he will be in the high school band in a sea of trumpets.  

I got in three runs this week (4, 3.2, 5) and two work outs (upper body and lower body).  We've had all the seasons this week but mainly spring has sprung.  A side note, I had started on statins on the 25th of February and by this week I was having some severe muscle cramps and pain.  At one point it felt like my wrist was broken it hurt so badly in the joint.  We do think this is related to the statins and I am stopping them at this point.  Even being off of them several days, I am still having some muscle soreness that I would not normally encounter with the work outs I do.  They have made this week very challenging with regards to working out but I pushed through.

I would like to say this week has been better for me but mentally, it's been a tough week.  I have another situation in my life where I feel like the bad person is going to win and that seems to be a pattern in my life. I'm just going to leave it as this: Narcissism is a powerful tool and once again, to see it in action is just plain scary.   At times I feel like I am the bad person, but then I remember I have done NOTHING wrong.  To be continued and pray for my friends and therapist who are helping me navigate this whole thing.  I know I am a lot and they handle me well and I am so appreciative of them when I am ruminating over something as stupid as this whole situation.  

I will leave you with this above.  I told my therapist about waking up at 4:44 and how it was such a nice comforting number to see on the clock.  She told me look it up and see what its meaning was and I did.  Holy moly.  I would like to think that my grandma and granddaddy McAbee are watching over me right now and protecting me.  I know of several situations that my granddaddy has specifically kept me safe, so I know this is really a thing.  I had a wreck when I was 18 that I walked away with, without a scratch and I shouldn't have based on how fast the car was going that t boned me.  I know he protected me in that case for sure and continues to do so.  Glad I have a therapist grounded in science but also into woo woo as well!

Have a great week y'all!

Health update

Okay the big news this week is that I went to the doctor.  Yes, I am getting old when "I went to the doctor" is the lead into this story.  I'm going to bullet point this because why not, I'm old and it's easier to read.

• Thyroid-my PCP and the doctor I see for my yearly appointments are different but in the same group. I prefer a woman over men, especially because my PCP is a runner and we've run together in the past and could in the future.  While he is a total professional, I don't want him looking down there and then looking me in the face on a run.  Weird, maybe.  Anyway, all of that to say he and the female PA I saw are both totally in dissent with the radiologist about my thyroid.  They feel like more needs to be done and more follow up needs to be done.  I have my endo appointment in March, so stay tuned.  They hope she is going to put some parameters in place for either testing or monitoring, but if she doesn't, they are.  I feel like it's getting bigger and people now notice it, so it's changed.  I still don't think the worry is cancer but as to what it is, the jury is still out. I did tell them needles are a no go, and they are prepared to have my ass knocked out or at least super out of it for any needles.  

• Anxiety-back to is it the chicken or the egg that comes first.  Is it the fact that I have no estrogen or a huge lump in my neck the reason I have anxiety or is it just anxiety.  I want to treat the underlying cause not just the symptoms.  Many women go on anti-depressants during perimenopause and menopause, and my doctor thinks for now it's a good idea.  I am willing to try it and see if it helps, but I still would like a re check of my hormones to see if I am truly at zero so that we can start to add estrogen back in. Then therein lies the problem, if we do add in hormones, how will I know if they are working if I am on medication for anxiety/depression.  Sigh.

• Menopause-yes, I am firmly in it.  No, the little spotty spots I randomly have are not periods.  I can start the countdown.  YES! That also may mean I can get on estrogen.  Bonus!

Okay off of health, onto the good stuff and done with the bullets.  I got three runs (4, 4, and 5) in this week and two lifts (upper body and lower body).  The weather was slightly nicer again, warmer but without the humidity.  Then winter said hold my beer and came roaring back BUT I had planned for it, got my runs done, and all I had to do was lift in the shop in the warmth.  I had planned for a longer long run on Saturday as well but the farmers in my area and on my route had a better idea.  Let's all collectively inject anhydrous ammonia at the same time where Michelle and Ollie are trapped happened.  Lucky for me, my hubby was driving around and came and picked us up and we got to spend the rest of the morning downtown sipping coffee from the Brew and eating homemade pizza at Bird's Creamery.  Support local!

 

  

I also got some news at work that didn't surprise me but also made my week quite interesting.  Our QC department had been dwindling as of late due to people getting other jobs, but the leadership decided to go ahead and fire everyone and start over, which means that our RD department had to fill in.  It's not hard work; it just has to be exact as it directly affects product being released.  There is TONS of paperwork, tons of places to sign and date and no room for error.  Just what my nervous system needs right now.  No pressure, right?  We had several 10 hour days and one 12 hour day, but we got it done.  Can I continue at this pace, no, but also, I just got a raise and a bonus and I want to keep my job that is so close to my home, so get it done is the vibe.  

Have a great week y'all!  I am hoping and praying things calm down and I can just focus on being the best person and mom I can be, working out on working on me, and providing great results to whomever is my boss on that day.