H.O.T

Not much to write about this week which is good.  Here are a bunch of pictures and some words so I get off of my butt and go run :)

The theme this week with regards to running was H.O.T.  No heat acclimation for us, I guess.  Ollie isn't handling it well, so we did 1-mile loops to keep her near the water bucket.  Basically, an out and back to the end of the industrial park. Pretty boring for most, but for me, nothing a good podcast can't take care of.  At least one of the runs had a puddle she could get in about halfway.  The rest of the week, no puddle, so we did our normal walk breaks every four minutes and got it done.  The wind Sunday was really bad as well making our mileage a little shorter than we had hoped for.  Welcome to weird spring and the crazy wind in Kansas.  Two lifts this week and this happened:

This isn't the first time I hit myself with the bar, but this is the first time I've done it with that much force.  I bit my tongue on both sides and had a little swelling for a couple of days.  Just about knocked myself clean out.  Now I know how boxers feel when they get a good uppercut to the jaw.  This was on a shoulder press no less with the bar in front rack.  I've hit my nose before and grazed my chin but never right on the kisser like that.  Luckily Tony was at the shop at the time, but he was outside and I couldn't find him when it happened, so I continued my work out.  I felt this for several days in my tongue and face.  As of typing this on Sunday, I am still sore.  Just mad I didn't get any type of bruise to show for it!  

Saturday did not go to plan, but we made the best of it.  It was the first time in 7 years I wasn't working the arrive and drive at the TKQMA track and it felt so weird.  I have heard that they had record numbers and I am so excited for them to get new members, new blood, and money into the coffers.  The boys did let me go to MBC for a beer or two as we made several trips to get parts for race cars.  It helps now that right across the street there is a shop that sells vintage video games to entice Andrew to want to be down on Pontyz.  The last few years I have really been into summer beers with lime and once again, I am here for it.  Limebash at MBC is the PERFECT summer beer.  Go have one if you are in town!

And let's end on a health update?  I am a week into the estrogen patches and so far, I've had horrible cramps, horrible fatigue, and a pop-up period.  Not loving this but willing to go through it to see if this helps with my anxiety.  I have a week of doctor's appointments this coming week with another round with my PCP to check in on how all the meds are affecting me and my yearly mammogram.  Still haven't heard back from the high-risk cancer doctor that i am supposed to visit due to my score being so high on my high-risk cancer quiz.  Thanks to mom for helping me fill that out because it mainly focused on my biodad's family and their health.  I only have one living aunt on my dad's side of the family left to help us fill in the blanks.  

Have a great week y'all!

Toxic and Health update part deux

More on that title at the end........

Another week, another concert.  This time choir.  So excited that Andrew has decided to keep at choir in high school. While he isn't the best singer out there, I feel like there is so much good in fine arts and being a part of both band and choir.   As always, I loved the final number which is a collaboration between the high school and the middle school choirs.  Also LOVED the competition piece that our high school choir is going to be competing with.  I mean who doesn't love a well sung Latin song.  The solos were so amazing as well.    

Two runs and two work outs (upper and lower body).  It's been a weird week and I'm just happy to get whatever I can this week.  One run with Boom (4) and one run with psycho chick (5).   I miss how easy it is to run with Boom who cares nothing about cars, birds, airplanes in the sky, the worm the wriggled in the dirt, the cow that farted two miles away.  I kid but she is SO sensitive to EVERYTHING!  He is so quiet and so sweet ad a perfect little running partner.  I so wish I could run with both of the again and may try this spring and see if Ollie has calmed down.  

 

First of all, marry a man who puts up with your moods/health issues/anxiety.  This is a picture of Tony putting on my estrogen patch for me.  

Health update part two.  I met with an endocrinologist this week finally to discuss a path forward with regards to my thyroid.  Spoiler alert, the path is wait and hold.  The mass that I feel is NOT a nodule; it's the actual thyroid itself.  As to why it's so pissed off, we aren't sure, but until it causes issues and or my mom's nodule testing comes back cancer, we are just in a wait and hold period.  Yearly ultrasounds for sure and a follow up in a few months to check in and see if changes have happened.  Surgery is always a possibility, but only if it causes compression issues like I can't swallow or I can't breathe.  We aren't there yet, but if it gets bigger, we could be.  Anway, watching my mychart app as the test results roll in and I don't think I am a positive for any of the auto immune issues that might have caused the size change so that is a bonus.  I was shocked and pleased to hear at least in my endocrinologist's practice that needle biopsies aren't as common anymore as they felt like 90 percent or more of nodules are benign and it's a waste of time and money to do them.  The best news of anything????  My endo is a board-certified menopause specialist who LOVES working with women who need answers and boy do I ever.  She is putting me on estrogen patches and cream and is allowing me to up my progesterone so that I sleep at night all night.   I will take extra weight in exchange for sleep.  I am so excited to FINALLY get on the road to being me again, even if old me was just as crazy.    

We did celebrate Pi Day in Manhattan with pie from Aj's pizza and pie from Therapie, two of our favorite local joints.

The French silk is like melt in your mouth amazing.  We also now have to go to the snow cone place any time we are in town and while I felt like we had enough sugar, I was about to make the Andrew sit in a brewery for a few hours, so I relented. Shark attack snow cone for the win.  Another local business hit up as well.  

Finished the night at Manhattan Brewing Company.

We had beers, live music, and good food from Piccalilli Farms.  Two more good local companies that we love to support.  

Of course, the Church Ladies Unsupervised brought a big crowd with them and we had fun singing along with their tunes.  Andrew got to see an upright base being played and that was the goal of us being there.  I love exposing him to so much good live and local music.  He's still developing his style and his tastes, and my goal is to get him to as much live music as I can so that he can see a wide variety.  

Let's end on this.  I would love to develop the skill mentioned above and if anyone has ANY tips to help my brain, please share.  Toxic is not a word I've ever been called and while I know it's manipulation, it still hurts.  I've been accused of creating a toxic work environment and while I know that isn't true at all, hearing those words has affected me in ways I never thought it would. Words hurt and I've always worn my heart on my sleeve so that pierced it quite quickly and caused me some sleepless nights.  I apologized to the coworkers I care about, and they assured me that I did not cause any issues in their minds.  I am always working on me and if I am not the best version of me, then I want to know.  This is why I go to therapy.  I've had some self-doubt this week and I will definitively treat the work environment differently from now on moving forward.  I hate to think that work is just about showing up, doing my job, and leaving, but I think for my mental health, that is what I am going to have to do.  I'm still on the fence about upping my meds versus waiting to see if my estrogen patches kick in.  I do have a follow up appointment next week and I guess we can talk all the options over and see what we think is best as a team.  Stay tuned.  

Have a great week y'all!  It's supposed to be negative wind chill and 90 all in the same week so there is that!

Statins are the devil

Let's start this week off right!  Andrew had his spring band concert.  The 8th grade band only got to play 3 songs which makes me sad that they only got three, but they were all good.  The 1st chair trumpets are struggling a little bit with their high notes but some of the songs were very high and technical and that is to be expected of an 8th grader.  Andrew was very congested and didn't feel well but got it done and now they can work on their competition piece for solo and ensemble.  It's always so cool to see the growth in all the bands at this point, especially the 6th and 7th grade bands.  It's hard to believe that next year he will be in the high school band in a sea of trumpets.  

I got in three runs this week (4, 3.2, 5) and two work outs (upper body and lower body).  We've had all the seasons this week but mainly spring has sprung.  A side note, I had started on statins on the 25th of February and by this week I was having some severe muscle cramps and pain.  At one point it felt like my wrist was broken it hurt so badly in the joint.  We do think this is related to the statins and I am stopping them at this point.  Even being off of them several days, I am still having some muscle soreness that I would not normally encounter with the work outs I do.  They have made this week very challenging with regards to working out but I pushed through.

I would like to say this week has been better for me but mentally, it's been a tough week.  I have another situation in my life where I feel like the bad person is going to win and that seems to be a pattern in my life. I'm just going to leave it as this: Narcissism is a powerful tool and once again, to see it in action is just plain scary.   At times I feel like I am the bad person, but then I remember I have done NOTHING wrong.  To be continued and pray for my friends and therapist who are helping me navigate this whole thing.  I know I am a lot and they handle me well and I am so appreciative of them when I am ruminating over something as stupid as this whole situation.  

I will leave you with this above.  I told my therapist about waking up at 4:44 and how it was such a nice comforting number to see on the clock.  She told me look it up and see what its meaning was and I did.  Holy moly.  I would like to think that my grandma and granddaddy McAbee are watching over me right now and protecting me.  I know of several situations that my granddaddy has specifically kept me safe, so I know this is really a thing.  I had a wreck when I was 18 that I walked away with, without a scratch and I shouldn't have based on how fast the car was going that t boned me.  I know he protected me in that case for sure and continues to do so.  Glad I have a therapist grounded in science but also into woo woo as well!

Have a great week y'all!

Health update

Okay the big news this week is that I went to the doctor.  Yes, I am getting old when "I went to the doctor" is the lead into this story.  I'm going to bullet point this because why not, I'm old and it's easier to read.

• Thyroid-my PCP and the doctor I see for my yearly appointments are different but in the same group. I prefer a woman over men, especially because my PCP is a runner and we've run together in the past and could in the future.  While he is a total professional, I don't want him looking down there and then looking me in the face on a run.  Weird, maybe.  Anyway, all of that to say he and the female PA I saw are both totally in dissent with the radiologist about my thyroid.  They feel like more needs to be done and more follow up needs to be done.  I have my endo appointment in March, so stay tuned.  They hope she is going to put some parameters in place for either testing or monitoring, but if she doesn't, they are.  I feel like it's getting bigger and people now notice it, so it's changed.  I still don't think the worry is cancer but as to what it is, the jury is still out. I did tell them needles are a no go, and they are prepared to have my ass knocked out or at least super out of it for any needles.  

• Anxiety-back to is it the chicken or the egg that comes first.  Is it the fact that I have no estrogen or a huge lump in my neck the reason I have anxiety or is it just anxiety.  I want to treat the underlying cause not just the symptoms.  Many women go on anti-depressants during perimenopause and menopause, and my doctor thinks for now it's a good idea.  I am willing to try it and see if it helps, but I still would like a re check of my hormones to see if I am truly at zero so that we can start to add estrogen back in. Then therein lies the problem, if we do add in hormones, how will I know if they are working if I am on medication for anxiety/depression.  Sigh.

• Menopause-yes, I am firmly in it.  No, the little spotty spots I randomly have are not periods.  I can start the countdown.  YES! That also may mean I can get on estrogen.  Bonus!

Okay off of health, onto the good stuff and done with the bullets.  I got three runs (4, 4, and 5) in this week and two lifts (upper body and lower body).  The weather was slightly nicer again, warmer but without the humidity.  Then winter said hold my beer and came roaring back BUT I had planned for it, got my runs done, and all I had to do was lift in the shop in the warmth.  I had planned for a longer long run on Saturday as well but the farmers in my area and on my route had a better idea.  Let's all collectively inject anhydrous ammonia at the same time where Michelle and Ollie are trapped happened.  Lucky for me, my hubby was driving around and came and picked us up and we got to spend the rest of the morning downtown sipping coffee from the Brew and eating homemade pizza at Bird's Creamery.  Support local!

 

  

I also got some news at work that didn't surprise me but also made my week quite interesting.  Our QC department had been dwindling as of late due to people getting other jobs, but the leadership decided to go ahead and fire everyone and start over, which means that our RD department had to fill in.  It's not hard work; it just has to be exact as it directly affects product being released.  There is TONS of paperwork, tons of places to sign and date and no room for error.  Just what my nervous system needs right now.  No pressure, right?  We had several 10 hour days and one 12 hour day, but we got it done.  Can I continue at this pace, no, but also, I just got a raise and a bonus and I want to keep my job that is so close to my home, so get it done is the vibe.  

Have a great week y'all!  I am hoping and praying things calm down and I can just focus on being the best person and mom I can be, working out on working on me, and providing great results to whomever is my boss on that day.