Heat index of 121

Another week of ridiculous heat and another week of no thank you from me when it comes to running.  I did manage 2 short runs of 3 miles each, but the rest was a nope.  

Andrew started school and it started out with lots of nerves, but then ended good.  SO many changes this year for a kid who needs to know every detail of every second of every day to feel comfortable.  He now changes class every hour, runs from one end of the school to the other, has zero hour weights before school starts/rides a shuttle bus to school, and has football three nights a week.  Pretty soon we will have football Friday nights, football Saturday mornings, and racing on Sunday.  I am getting tired just reading this.    I am so pleasantly surprised at how well this transition this week has gone thus far.  I honestly thought we would have tears and lots of drama, and there has been nothing but excitement, happiness, and one tired kiddo.

Speaking of football, our third year started this week.  I always have high hopes going in that my kiddo will suddenly find his athleticism that I feel like is in there somewhere.  We had seen changes this year in his aggressiveness when racing, so we had hoped it might come out on the field.  The jury is still out and in his first practice he was basically relegated to third string, so to be continued.  I knew this year was going to be tough playing time wise with so many new kids joining that are so athletically gifted, even if they haven't ever played tackle.  He has to want it, me wanting it is nothing.  He did tell the coach he wanted to be the pulling guard position and he would work hard to keep that position, so that is a big change for him.  Football is truly my favorite sport and I hope he can find a love or at least a liking for the sport as I think he would LOVE it in middle school and high school.  

A quick note on my journey in therapy.  My anxiety has been much less lately just due to overall less going on to stress me out in my life.  That part is nice, however will probably be short lived but I will enjoy it for now.  However, I was triggered by watching a documentary and was sent back to a dark place I don't like and had a couple of rough nights with the old thoughts of why did this happen to me, why does he get to live a wonderful life and I suffer, and why won't these feelings go away for good?   I was super glad to have therapy Friday to delve into these things, so we can start the real work.  I am ready for this journey and I feel like I have finally found the therapist I have needed.  When she told me FUCK THE PATRIACHY while I was telling my story,  I was like right on sister.   Indeed.  If feels like much healing is going to happen here.  Stay tuned.  

We decided after our race got canceled due to extreme heat (we race in the daytime and on pavement) to head about 1.5 hours north to see our favorite dirt racers race Friday and Saturday night.   While older, Hank started when Andrew did and raced on the national circuit for quarter midgets before changing over to dirt.  His mom volunteered a ton of her time in the tower as head concessions and we had always been super close.  We missed spending time with their family like crazy, but most of the tracks they race on are 2 plus hours away for us.  It was so good to just hang out in the trailer like old times, watch the kiddos race their hearts out, and have a few beers in celebration for all of the wins.  I really wish we could race dirt and not pavement because I truly love how laid back it is and how there is no club per se to deal with.  It's so nice to go to a track and not have to work all day and night and then go home exhausted and not really get any time with our friends.

Every time we go, we learn so much about dirt racing, have so much fun with our friends, and the boys improve exponentially every time we watch.  I really want to go to Tulsa again this year and watch them both in restricted and A class at the Tulsa Shootout.   I wish my kiddo would find a love for dirt and dirt racing, but I don't think it is his focus yet and that is okay.  We will pavement race till he can't fit in his cars anymore and then go from there.  

Stay cool my friends!  This next week is going to be absolutely horrible and I am sure I am not going to do a ton of running with a 2 day race ended the week.  I will get what I can and be happy that fall is almost here!

Sorry so late

Did you say it was Thursday and I haven't even posted about last week?   Dang it, behind again!   We had a fun filled weekend full of adventures to end the year before football and racing take over and even got to meet our new nephew.  Let's focus on that with some pictures shall we?  I think I ran once or twice last week but the main theme was Andrew and fun, and thanks to a busy schedule and the heat, running just didn't fit.   

Here is our new nephew.  Andrew didn't want to hold him initially, but then he decided he had to.  He is precious and we are so proud of Tony's brother for growing his little family.  

Friday night we headed to Topeka to the big race track called Heartland Park to watch the NHRA drag races.  We had never been (can hear them from our track), so we were happily surprised to absolutely love it.  Watching cars and motorcycles go 300 mph down a track is so amazing and you can feel those cars in your soul.  Plus, we walked all over the track and grounds just checking it out and had fun with friends.

  

Saturday I worked at Coleman Electric for a bit and got caught up on paperwork and book keeping.  Yes I have said several times that I was done working two jobs, but Tony just doesn't have time and then it gets behind and it gets majorly fucked up.  I can't let our company fail due to paperwork and book keeping not being done right or done at all.  Yes I am not happy about it, and yes I have no clue how to make it right or work any other way, and yes I may lose all of my sanity.

  

Sunday we headed to KC for a trip to Union Station.  It's an old train station in Kansas city that has been renovated and that has Science City, a movie theater, and rotating exhibits.  My work friend had told me about the Spiderman exhibit and Andrew LOVES Spiderman, so we had to go.  I also booked a brewery tour at Boulevard Brewing Company that was just a few blocks away.  Equal opportunity for all of us to have fun!  Let's just say the Spiderman exhibit was the most amazing thing ever, we need a repeat trip to Science city as we only did maybe half of the exhibits, and the Boulevard tour was the highlight of the day.  

We had multiple stops on the tour and at every stop you got BEER!  We got to taste so many of their wonderful brews and I have some new favorites for sure.  I loved the the stories the tour guides told and would love to go back and do it again.  They had an amazing bar that anyone could come and get beer and delicious food at, along with a tour ending bar with some special brews,  and a test bar where you could sample the beers that they were tweaking and working on.  

Thus ends our amazing summer full of fun and adventures, but I am sure we still have a few up our sleeves:)  Now time for football and racing every.single.weekend.

The itch

I finally got back into the swing of things with a walk and two short runs.  The weather was horrible with highs in the 100s and my work was crazy with one day us working till 10 pm.  Thank goodness we had a weekend with no agenda so we could do work at Coleman Electric and get a couple of short runs in.  I am seriously contemplating a super late fall or early winter race as the itch to train is coming back.  

I would say my mental health has been pretty good this week thanks to be super duper busy at work and in life.  Andrew had an eye appointment, a physical (in which he got two shots), and his annual trip to Katie's Way to talk about meds.  Thanks to my hubby for doing my job and getting him on time to everything and dealing with him having a total melt down about shots.  We have one more week of freedom till school starts back!

And I finally went to the movies after how long?  I am not a fan of paying a ton of money to sit in a dark room and not get anything else accomplished, but I had been intrigued by the Barbie movie reviews.  Me and boys dressed in pink and headed out and let's just say I loved it.   I laughed, I cried, I nodded along.  The soundtrack was amazing and the guy who played Ken should get an Oscar.  

Have a great week y'all!

Mini vaca

 Short and sweet and to the point.  

I did no running last week thanks to 100+ degree days and traveling.  I do not feel guilty at all.  Yes, I do have a treadmill but I like running outside ONLY.  Since I am not officially training for anything I am letting it go like Elsa. 

 

I was very torn about taking our trip thanks to issues financially with the business, but I am so glad we did.  While it wasn't a cake walk and we struggled mightily on the track, I am still very glad we went as we had fun with new friends and Andrew had a blast.  Our goals were simple, try a new track and do the best you can, make racing moves, pass if you have a faster car, and have fun.  He did all of the things and battled with the cars we gave him.  

We also did some fun stuff like try a new brewery out, go to Mall of America, and stop at a local bakery/eatery on the way up.  At one point Andrew hugged me and said it was the best vacation he had ever had.  My only regret was we didn't let him swim the last night because we were exhausted.  His smile and his happiness are all I care about these days.   To see him that happy makes all of the stress worth it.  

Have a great week y'all!

CBD dreams

 What to write, what to write.  

I'm trying to take small steps to make it through this horrible anxiety.  I am back on my Zo CBD and that has helped so much.  If I do wake up in the middle of the night, my thoughts don't race and take over and I usually go back to sleep relatively soon.  It takes the edge off and I am grateful to have something that is working.  

I am slowly taking over all of the household bills and duties and budgeting so that we can still live a great life no matter what happens.  I use to budget down to the penny, so this is my jam and I am ready.  Again, just trying to control the little things and take one step at a time for whatever is going to happen.  

Work has been super busy and I love that.  We are wrapping up a huge 3 month study in august and starting a new smaller but important study immediately.  Plus, we have some other big research projects that are in the planning stage and I am super excited to get even more OT.  

Got three runs in this week by the skin of my teeth.  Two 3 milers and a 6 miler and I am calling that a win.  We had football camp going on at night and I was so excited to see my football mom friends again and get ready for an exciting season.  I am ready for some  #boomtownboys football on Friday nights and Saturday mornings!

That is about it for the week.  Next week we are hopefully taking a few days off to go to MN to race and I meet with my new therapist to see if we are a good fit.  Wish me luck!

Dog pics, yes please

First off, please enjoy some rando pictures of my dogs cause that is all I have right now.

Man, I think every week things will get better and you won't have to read about me freaking out about this or that, yet every week lately has been like, you thought last week was bad, here, HOLD MY BEER.  I am truly sorry if this blog has turned into a mental health diatribe but I am struggling and this is my outlet. I know my friends are sick and tired of me sniveling constantly.  My anxiety turns into me waking up every morning at 3:30 am with spinning thoughts and I have to get up and do talk therapy with my early bird friends to quiet them.  

Let's talk about the good.  My job is good. I am still getting lots of overtime and loving what I do.  My co workers are all battling their own mental demons, but I like the fact that we all have issues and we can come together and talk it out.  I have amazing friends who while are probably tired of me constantly leaning on them, do an amazing job of listening, offering up comments, and helping me to find solutions.  Porch beers and an ear are what I need right now and they are offering them up.  I would be exhausted if I were them LOL!  Of course my mom is always there for me and I am super blessed to still have her in my life even if she is many miles away.  

Running has been eh.   I was excited to start an experiment that had me going into the lab at 5 am for a 10 minute experiment and then coming home.  Perfect for getting my lazy butt out of bed with no excuses.  We do this experiment on Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays so great.  First day was just what  I needed, went to the lab and worked and then had coffee, fueled, and was on the road an hour later.  Got to see the sunrise which was good for my soul.  Then, the schedule changed and we decided to start at 7 am instead.   Sigh.  Back to being a lazy sloth that gets any and all sleep my anxiety will give me lately.  We did have a night race Saturday night and that allowed me to be able to run Saturday morning.  I got two 3s and a 6 in and called it good.  I can't wait for fall running!!!!!

We ended the week with night racing.  Night racing isn't always our favorite because tempers seem to fly and crap hits the wall if you know what I mean.  While some crap did hit the wall and we had to have two emergency meetings about various actions of others, the racing was amazing and clean and that is all you can ask for.  Andrew drove his butt off, but we are still on the new not so great engine so not fast enough to be competitive.  He made some passes and tried really hard and I will take last place and trying your butt off versus just riding around in the back.   

Have a great week y'all!

#Boomtown

Getting a little bit bad about not getting my blog written or out on time.  Thank goodness I don't do any blog link ups!  I will try and do better this time by starting out writing a little at the beginning of the week since I get two days off thanks to the holiday.   

First of all I have to give a huge thanks to my parents from driving over from Tennessee every year to help with our 4th of July party.  They work their asses off getting the house and yard ready so we can all party on the fourth.  They cook, they clean, they burn things, and they set all of the things up.

Our town goes from 5K to about 50K in one day as we are known as #boomtown.  We have one of the best and biggest hand fired fourth of July shows in the nation.  People fly and drive in just for our show and I am not kidding when I say it is one of the best and rivals any big city show.  While you can sit anywhere in the giant field for the show, there is a VIP seating area right in front of where they shoot off the fire works and we get armbands for 25 friends to join us.  The last few years, we have had several of our track families come and join us for food, fun, and fireworks.  This year was amazing, even with storms that hit right after the show was done and we were back to the house.  

We had three track families and two running families join us and we had yummy food and drink all day. Plus, they had some homemade ice cream down the block and hydration teas two blocks over.  It was hot, but we all managed to stay cool enough, watched the parade with the kids getting tons of candy, and shot off fireworks periodically all day to enjoy the day.  This truly is my favorite holiday.    

Andrew wasn't into the carnival and fireworks like usual, but we still got some shot off the night of the fourth and the day after since the storm cut our session of blowing up wamego short.  I am glad our city gives us one more day past the holiday to get rid of what we buy.  Honestly, we were pretty tame this year with what we bought and blew up and I kind of liked it.  Andrew bought me several pretty fountains, some that made a little noise, but most that were just pretty to look at and that is my jam.  

My parents headed back on the 6th to Tennessee and I had a super rough day mentally.  As I mentioned, my anxiety has been through the roof lately and while they were here, it was super manageable, but as soon as they left, back to where it was times ten.  I also had a big coming to Jesus moment with my hubby.  I am lead on a new project that will have many days starting at 5 am.  I can't continue to work both jobs, not even the book work I am doing that can be done at any time.  I need this mentally off of my plate and I had reached a breaking point.  After yet another session of showing him what I do and how, I left the shop hoping for the best, preparing for the worst.  

After all, this is not my business.  It's never been mine, it's always been his and that is okay. I need to let go of any control I was trying to keep intentionally or unintentionally and let it all be his.  He is a grown adult, he wanted to be a small business owner, and I learned after a few years that while I love the flexibility of owning your own small business, I do not love the stress and heart ache.  Some people are born to fight and scratch and claw their way to the top 24:7 and that's just not me.  It takes all kinds.  

I did get some running done amid the chaos.  I have found that running is truly the only thing that calms me down mentally and evens me out.  We got two short runs and that was it for the week due to us being super busy all weekend.  Yeah I could have gotten up early both weekend mornings as it was glorious but I chose instead to get what sleep I could, and enjoy the days to the fullest.  

Speaking of the weekend, it was very jam packed.  We had promised Andrew a trip to Legoland with a friend if he was okay with not having a party this year.  He agreed but finding a weekend where his friend wasn't playing sports was tough.   We finally got them together and headed out to KC to explore Legoland and Sea life which is right next door.  Again, I was a little worried as we had been to Legoland many years ago and I felt it was a little "young" for 2 eleven year olds.  My worry was misplaced because they had a ball and did ALL.THE.THINGS.  We even were able to go have a late lunch over at Fritz's restaurant where they have the trains deliver food and then made a second pit stop on the way home in NOTO to show Andrew's buddy what a cool little spot it was.  We are all going to go back when the antique shops are open because surprise, his buddy LOVES antiquing like us!  

We ended the weekend with some racing.  I had hoped for better results but that just didn't happen.  Tony had talked to the engine builder during the week and he had told tony the new engine was not geared correctly and needed to be changed.  We just didn't' have the time to devote to making changes to the cars and then getting them out to practice and it hurt us.  I hate that Andrew was so confident going into the season and now is so upset because he wants to win and the cars just aren't there for him to do so.  I feel like he is finally holding up his end of the bargain and we are failing.  And every year I think, this is going to be a good year and there will be little to no drama and I am wrong every single time.  Sigh.  I left the track, drove home, and went to bed.  Why do I do things that bring me no joy?  Oh yeah, my kid does love this sport and wants to race above everything else.  

Have a great week y'all!  I am going to certainly try!