It just is

I've been pretty proud of myself this week.  I had to make some choices to protect my mental health and I did so swiftly and with great results.  I think for me, the biggest problem with fully quitting my job at Coleman Electric (my hubby's business if you are reading your very first blog post) was loss of control.  I felt like if I stayed in the mix fully, I could control outcomes and reduce my amount of stress in the long run.  What I was doing was running myself into the ground, hating my hubby for putting me in a bad position and working me so hard (it was all self imposed), and creating more anxiety that was affecting my new job.  Everyone was telling me to walk away, but I just couldn't do it.  Then a switch just flipped.  Nothing bad happened, I just knew that in the long run I couldn't continue on this path and I off loaded major duties that I was still doing straight to my hubby. While it does put more on his plate in the long run, he has a better understanding of what I do and can now fully train someone with my help.  While we had all been dragging our feet on this transition, I feel like a HUGE weight has been lifted off of my shoulders and a lot of the resentment I had been feeling has left.  It does mean longer hours for my hubby and more book work/office work, but again, when he feels ready, he can now train the next person without major help from me.   I am still doing bill pay and invoice management for our suppliers and hope that at some point, I can off load this as well to our new book keeper, if we find one.  I can do that once a week and not have to work every single day for both jobs so I don't mind it as much.  While I have been enjoying two paychecks, my brain needed this.  Our marriage needed this.  This is his company and his responsibility and I needed to let that go.  My name is no where on anything and while I want it to succeed for our community and our family, I had to let it go.  He is ultimately the captain of the ship and I needed to give full control solely to him.  He wanted to have his own business and so now he shall go back to doing most of the things he started doing before I joined the team.  

 

This boy hasn't stopped smiling since last weekend.  To see how happy he is at his successes at the track makes me so freaking happy. 

I'll take a last place finish any day that he is working hard and racing hard.  He did both all day on Sunday and that makes me so very happy.  

Running was okay this week.  Got a 3 miler that was too hot to do with the dogs, an 8 miler with Stella ella, and a 3 miler with Stella.  Next week looks like solid rain :(

We ended the week doing all the things I love.  Playing games at the brewery and drinking amazing beer.

Spending time together laughing and talking instead of staring at screens.  

Ice cream.  

And yard work with the entire family and the reading books/chilling out the rest of the day.  I'm reading Kara's book right now and I seriously can't put it down.  After listening to a podcast with Des and Kara, I had to buy all three books including Lauren's book. I also need to get Deena K's book as well.  I love reading about these amazing women athletes and their crazy journeys.    

Have a great week y'all!  I am looking forward to more experiments at work, hopefully some time at track club coaching, and another round of racing!

Yeah, so about that

Since I am writing this on Monday/Tuesda morning and I literally have 3 minutes before I need to get up, here are some of my favorite things from the week.

This kid.  Keeps me on my toes but I just love him.  Why does he look like a big kid now more and more?

All the glasses at work.  Slowly getting us to bifocals and not wanting to give up my Goodrs.  

Good ole Kanas wind.  Nothing like almost getting blown off of your feet due to 40 mph wind gusts. 

A chance to breath, have a good beer, and grill.  

Still injured but going to the rehab vet this week. Hoping for answers.  

3 runs this week.  Two 3s and a 6.  All I could muster working 2 jobs and being exhausted.  Two runs in 80 degree heat and one in feels like 34.  Go figure.  

The Tulip Festival in the wind and rain.  Still a great time.  Bring on the tasting tent!

And ending on the ending of the weekend.  To say I was dreading racing season is an understatement.  With all of the stress in my life right now, I don't need adults acting like idiots drama.  Before the day even came there was drama and I was so over it.  We have had little to no time to practice and even when we had free time, we wanted to spend it together doing fun things, not fussing at each other at the track.  We had no expectations of anything from the cars or my kiddo.  Usually by this time we have the cars dialed in and several practices under our belt to test and tune.  Tony didn't even fire up the cars till the night before at 7 pm....and one wouldn't start and the other would but had no brakes.  Sigh.  Tony stayed up all night working on the cars and was also sick.  Another deep sigh.  We showed up at the track with one car working and one with no brakes.  

We were very lucky in that we had a team of dads waiting to work on the car and get Andrew on the track.  There are good people in this world still that truly just want these kids to race and have fun.  Andrew had an amazing day finishing 2nd in both of his Sr Animal classes of only 3 cars, but still running his car hard and having great patterns.  He ran 2nd for quite a bit in Sr Honda in the heat and was headed for first when he made a pass on a restart (which you can't do) and caused himself to go back 2 spaces to finish 5th.  He could have passed the car in front of him but for whatever reason refused to.  Oh well, I like what I am seeing and am actually excited about racing now!

Have a great week y'all!

 

Sentence per picture

 Sentence per picture time because I am exhausted and it's 8 pm on a Sunday night.  

Post track celebration picture.  Andrew tried high jump and didn't love it but tried.  

Scientist selfie for an article that a group is working on writing about me.  I can't wait to see it!

Big beautiful thunderstorms all around us but nothing here.  Love watching them build and fire off.  

Another week of running with Stella ella.  Got a three, a three, and a 7.  Boom is still limping but not as much or as bad.  It's starting to get hot here so I am hoping we can get him right soon as Stella does not do well in heat.  

Last year for Easter egg hunting in the park.  Andrew has started hard core questioning the Easter bunny but then he retracts when we try and talk about it.  I told him we would always have him an Easter basket every year whether he believes it or not.  

Since this year's hunt yielded some bad candy and some tiny easter erasers, we headed to A and H farms to hunt more.  While the prize still wasn't the most awesome in his mind (I loved it, I ate it :), we still had a ton of fun playing with birds, baby animals, and adult beverages.  Manhattan truly has a gem hidden away.

Stella and I got a short long run and it was HOT thanks to me sleeping in.  She handled it way better than I thought she would.  I had Tony ready to come and pick her up if needed.  

Ended the weekend at the Rolling Hill's zoo. I  was surprised it was open on a holiday.  It was almost completely empty and the perfect temp out, so the animals were active and we had time to just sit and watch the chimps and the lions at their new exhibit.

This was the last free weekend we will have for a bit as racing starts back up next weekend.  We had so much fun and are sort of rested and ready!  Have we practiced, NO.  Have we tested and tuned, NO.  But here is to a good year anyway LOL!

Have a great weekend y'all!

Normal, Nah

It's been a long week of working hard, getting better from this viral mess, and trying to figure out a new normal.  End of the month is always my busiest time as bills have to be paid, invoices have to be sorted for pay apps to contractors, and things like sales tax and benefits have to be calculated.  I don't mind the book work as long as I have some free time to go with it, but this week had zero free time.  We are still struggling as to what to do.  Tony can't do it all, his brother could possible do some, but then when would I train him, and there are several ladies that wouldn't mind working for us, but then we would have a stranger in our bank account and in our affairs and that scares me.  

I did get several runs in this week, just not on the days I had hoped.  Stella and I got a group run on Tuesday, a long run on Saturday, and a short recovery run on Sunday.  Stella is doing amazingly well, but we are going to keep mileage pretty low for now due to my work schedule and me wanting her with me since we have NO clue how long Boom is going to be out.  

Boom went in for sedated x rays and exam and they found nothing. This was my biggest fear.  While I didn't want to shell out a ton of money for surgery, not knowing what we are even dealing with is so tough.  He is on some pain meds and rest for 2 weeks and then we will re evaluate.  I have his chiro coming Monday to go over him and then we have a visit scheduled with a PT vet in KC mid month if we still need it.  I am not loving not having my boy with me and I know if it gets hotter, Stella won't be able to come as the heat really bothers her, so crossing my fingers this is a short lived soft tissue injury. 

After missing both sessions of track club this week, my running partner and I decided that I may not be able to help this year and that is okay.  This is why I love her because she gets it.  We are doing some big important experiments at my new job and I need to focus on work right now.  Trying to rush to get done to get over to the track to coach is too much.  I also need to be able to work at Coleman Electric if needed.  To be continued.  I hope I can help in some capacity.  Plus, I want little red to do more of the throwing sports this year.

Last but not least, I found this really cool old drafting table in a local antique store and purchased it for Andrew's room.  It fit's perfectly and I am excited to see him use it for his art work and for his lego building.  While he is struggling in school right now, art and music are his saviors and I want it to stay that way.  I know regular classes are not what makes him tick and his brain wants to live in a creative land yet we all have to do things we don't love or even like in life.  

Have a great week y'all!  Looking forward to more running with my favorite girl, some answers from the chiro with regards to Boom, and maybe some coaching time this week.

Finally got it

I apologize for the funky alignment in my blog today.  I angered the blog format gods and now it won't go back to normal.  Enjoy :)

This week has been a little abnormal.  We had snow and ice, hot, cold, and crazy wind all in the same week.  Way to go Kansas.  I did get one run in before the snow and ice and then me being sick.  Let's just say 1) I am glad that i had built up one day of PTO so I still got paid to puke my guts up  2) Boom's been limping on a back foot only when he gets up from laying down, so time off will help since we can't find ANYTHING wrong with him.  3) I've been sad to not to get to spend any time with Andrew over spring break, so even a sick day is better than nothing right?

Pi Day run with my BRF

I missed the club meeting on Wednesday thanks to working two jobs. I don't want to have to resign, but at some point, people are going to get sick of me missing being a board member and the one to take notes/minutes.  At least the club meetings will be at the track coming up soon and I will have no excuse (other than football season).  Why do I feel guilty about all of these things? I also missed the parade and walking with the club handing out candy and flyers thanks to being sick.  Again, huge guilt fest, but just getting up and doing a few things made me feel dizzy and horrible again, so decorating for a parade in the freezing cold, waiting for over 4 hours to walk while getting lined up in the freezing cold, and then actually walking in the parade and freezing my butt off  probably wouldn't have been a good idea.  

scientist selfie with double glasses

I had hoped that by Sunday I would feel well enough to do some things like maybe a short run, take Andrew some where fun to end his spring break, or something other than be a slug and lay on the couch all day.  I woke up feeling much the same, congested, stomach not feeling right, and just out of it.  Add on major anxiety attacks about our small business and issues going on in life in general and I just felt like laying on the couch, not moving, and wallowing in some self pity.   I haven't been super sick or a super slug in a while, so I have tried to embrace it and make it positive by talking with my friends who always get me in a better mindset, watching more NCAA basketball (something I never slow down enough to actually do and my favorite sport to play growing up was most certainly basketball), and watching AKC national agility challengers round/finals round and cheering my old agility friends on.  

   

So many great memories brought up of years and years that I traveled and showed my dogs in the great sport of agility and competed at AKC nationals. I even have previous blogs devoted to training and showing miller and training and showing Deuce.  Such a big part of my history that I had to give up when I had my kiddo and while I wouldn't trade him for anything in the world and I don't have a current dog to train, I have been missing it mightily lately.  Maybe time to start planning that next puppy?

Let's end on some of my favorite things of the week since i am in such a funk shall we?

This kid.  That shirt was technically for me, but it conveniently didn't fit so he has to wear it.

Yuengling at our local favorite bar.  YUM!

My own charcoal in my boots with my initials on the charcoal bags at work.  I think that means maybe I get to stay :)  And yes, we wear steel toed boots at work, weird I know.  

Ignore my crazy hair, but snuggles with little red.  I debated about quarantining myself away from the family, but in the end I figured we are all going to get this virus and little red probably has had it already since he had a period of  something like this a week or so ago.  There is a new quiz game on Roblox he is really into so we played it several times and won.  Trivia is my jam!

Have a great week y'all!  I am looking forward to being back at work with my team, being back to some sort of running as the weather is going to be more spring like, and hopefully feeling more like my normal self.  I don't do sick well because I don't do lazy well, so here is to being back to normal!

Lack of motivation...but here it is anyway

I am having trouble writing right now and being motivated to much of anything other than work and rest.  This would have been the week of my race that I decided was not a good idea to run even for fun or just for a long run.  The thought of getting up at 3 am and driving down to run 12 hours in the rain on mud and muck did not sound like a great idea at all and I am glad i made the decision ahead of time to not go.  The pictures of the runners looks like a lot of wet and cold people, which I don't think I could have mentally done as I am right now.  Hopefully in a few years when my life isn't so busy and Andrew isn't so active on weekends and nights (hahahaha) I can run races again and get that mojo back.  I have had lots of anxiety this week for some reason and it's been dragging me down.  I have gotten in three runs, but not near the mileage I wanted.  It was what I needed though and I will take it.  Here are some pictures from this week that made me smile.

The sky on Monday was so beautiful.  I wasn't running, but at the recycling trailer dropping off boxes when I got this one.  

A quick three before I headed back to work an experiment late.  I don't mind being the early or late person to in the lab, since I live here an am honored that they trust me now to get experiments set up.

Scientist selfie post run! My hair was way too sweaty to not have my salt crusted hat on.

Happy international Women's day!  Love working with a group of strong amazing women!  Also love a boss who cares about their employees.  Not only did we have treats in our lockers on International Women's day, but we had cinnamon rolls and coffee on Friday accompanied by a long chat.

Boom is pretty happy with whatever mileage he can get.

Little things that make me happiest this week:

New face scrub that smells amazing!

Cinnamon crunch popcorners!

New shampoo for my very fine and very rapidly thinning hair.  Thanks stress and menopause.

New purple goodrs.  Hubby said, how many pairs do you own????  I said does it really matter, they are only 25 bucks?

Getting lucky at Bonkers (think Chucky Cheese) and winning over 4K tickets to get him the Charizard he wanted.  I just had lucky fingers that day for sure!

Snuggling with my ever growing boy.  He very rarely wants to snuggle and cuddle but when he gets tired he can become a snuggle bug.  He and his friend who spent the night the previous night stayed up all night and he was pretty tired by the end of the day.  

And there you have it!  Have a great week y'all!

It is what it is

 Welcome to my crazy life.  Most days I feel like this:

I keep telling myself there are worse things in the world from being deathly tired from working 2 jobs like cancer, or death in the family, or the loss of a job.  This is just a blip in the road and I can do this.  Many people work 2 and 3 jobs to make ends meet and they don't bitch and moan like me.  My poor friends are probably so tired of hearing me cry about being tired.  This week oddly enough I have been so tired I couldn't sleep.  Ever get like that?  I tried me new meds that my doctor gave me and they just made me feel super loopy and drugged for a solid day.  I have been told it takes a while to get use to and that the drug hangover goes away, but I am not sure I want to stick around with that drug long enough to find out.  I think exhaustion and then passing out due to exhaustion and sleeping 12 hours one night sounds nicer.  

  

I did get out and get some very short runs in.  The weather has been super nice, almost spring like dare I say.  We have had such a weird winter here.  I don't mind warmer, I just am not ready for the oppressive humidity that accompanies the warmth.  I am also very very glad I decided not to do my race.  I am still battling knee issues and I can't get in with my chiro since my research is so sporadic and unpredictable right now.  I am trying a new brand of turmeric and using my massage gun as much as I can to keep things limber and not taunt.  I got in two three milers and an 8 miler.  I didn't get a run in on Sunday due to sleeping in and then heading to the race track for track clean up day.  It is what it is.....

Have a great week y'all.