Christmas week OFF

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!  We woke up to a white Christmas after being told it wasn't going to happen.  I mean heck, it was in the high 50s low 60s the days leading up to Christmas.  While the snow didn't stick around for a very long, it sure was pretty and made the morning magical.  I'll take a snow that keeps everything but the roads white any day.

If you have read my blog in the past few weeks you already know that my 11 year old son had declared he knew the truth about Santa.  I was kind of dreading our first Christmas without the magic of Santa, but actually it ended up being just fine.  He was awake wayyy too early and ready to unwrap presents without any mentions of Santa.  He did ask on Christmas eve to have the elf move one last time, which I obliged as I wiped away a little tear.  Everyone loved their gifts and I was so happy to see big smiles on everyone's faces.  Then my anxiety kicked in.  I hate that I have this horrible anxiety that always gets super kicked up at Christmas.  I start cleaning immediately and putting things away and I lose the fun of the day.  I had asked my hubby to cook one meat and one side this year and he didn't listen and started cooking more and more things and my anxiety really got the better of me and I said some things I shouldn't have.  I hate him spending all day cooking and then me spending all day cleaning.  It's not fun for either of us and I had hoped by putting a limit on the food and the type that I could circumvent that.  We got into a huge fight and the food ended up both burnt and overcooked and we spent our lunch in silence.  

I hate that. The good news is that we made up and both spent time cleaning and picking up, but I still hate that we go through that. I hate my anxiety and the troubles it causes on the daily.

 

Full stop, I love Christmas. I love giving.  It's so hard for me to even keep it a secret all of the days post buying people their presents that I usually have to wait till right before Christmas to buy anything.  Yet when the day comes, I turn into a fire breathing dragon.  I will work on this in therapy with my new therapist for SURE!

Andrew seemed super excited about all of his gifts which makes me very happy.  My mom went all out this year getting him Chief's bedding and lots of other goodies.  I didn't take many pictures, mainly just video, so mom could see him unwrap.  As he gets older, presents get less as he wants bigger things.  It was funny this year that the smaller stuff he loved the most, like the Old Spice Body wash set mom got him.  Of course as soon as he unwrapped his new VR headset he was gone and sadly to say I haven't seen him in a few days as of writing this. I am told this is normal for kids his age, but I miss the days of watching him play with his new toys.

I did get some running in this week, but nothing else, which is sad because I had plenty of time.  I just embraced the resting part of the week and read books, watched TV, and overall became a sloth.  My Strava app reminded me my year in sports was up, but I didn't even want to look.  This year has been my lowest mileage in all of my years of running and it is kind of depressing for me to see.   While my heart wanted to cut back and my body enjoyed cutting back, my brain hated it.  Also, as we all know as runners, once you let go of a certain part of your fitness, it takes a while to get it back and it's generally not fun getting it back.  At one point my base run was 5 miles and I would like to at least get back to 4 if not 5 as my base.    I actually got 4 runs in this weekly purely because I wasn't working and I was just hanging out in my pjs day in and day out.  Again, I would love to get back to at least 4 runs a week and maybe one or two days of strength training.  My co worker has been going to classes at 5:30 am at the local gym, so I think I am going to commit to at least 2 days a week of classes.  Even if I end up only going to one a week, one is better than none and they have classes that are strength only, which is perfect for what I want to do.    Someday I am going to get back to lifting heavy shit, I just need to get inspired and get on it.  

I posted this on FB and I think this is what I am going to end on.

I'm not sure what to say about this year. In some ways it's been mighty unkind to me and my family putting us through some horrible stuff. Then I look at the changes these events caused and while equally painful, I see so much good that I know will make 2024 so awesome. My therapist is having me find the helpers in all situations versus dwelling on the bad and I really like that. I started a new job and gained a new work family who has been behind me through Covid part two, major anxiety attacks, and having to be gone for my hubby's brain surgery. They even voted me Employee of the year, which means so very much to me that they felt like I deserved that. I found a new therapist who truly is helping me so much battle my new found anxiety that is relentless. She has helped me reframe several nasty situations in the past that is helping me better deal with future nasty situations or avoid them altogether (my new favorite word is NO). Several moms and their kiddos have stepped up to help me with Andrew getting him to and from sports, taking care of him when we had emergencies, and loving him like their own. And then there is the whole brain tumor fun where my mom and MIL rushed to KS to help me and Tony after one brief phone call and stayed for weeks, and our football and track family rallied around us to make sure we knew we were loved and taken care of no matter what the future looked like.

I am hoping 2024 is a little less bumpy. I feel like we've learned lots of valuable lessons in 2023. I am hoping 2024 is filled with good health, less anxiety, more good friends and good times. I am ready to spend more time at the track/sports field watching my kiddo do what he loves, run more and train for ultra races again, do amazing research at work, and watch my hubby enjoy his finally good health. Happy New year's eve to everyone!

Have a great week y'all and have a safe and happy New Year!

Week three of AMR Joy to the run or F it!

The wheels fell of this week completely.  I don't have a good excuse like illness or big experiments or anything.  I just had an off week and I chose activities that kept my nights and days busy and left little for running.   I think the totality of this year has just worn me out and I need some time to rest.  Here are some of the fun things we did this week!

We had our little lab Christmas party.   If you recall, we had our company wide Christmas party a few weeks ago but this was just us and our little lab group.  We did a secret Santa that was so much fun where we had to describe who we bought for and the group had to guess.   I also won Employee of the Year (it was a tie, but I had been there longer, sorry Kim) which was voted on by our peers.  That really meant a lot to me because we work our butt off in that lab and I try and be a leader and a helper as well as a mentor to the younger scientists.  I have really enjoyed my first year working back in a lab and can't wait to see what we can accomplish in 2024.  

Tony and I did celebrate in spirit only our 18th wedding anniversary.  I loved our wedding, simple and everything I wanted at the courthouse surrounded by our favorite people.  Don't ever think to be happy you need a big wedding.  This has been one of the craziest years of our married lives and I am so proud of my hubby for overcoming some huge health challenges this year.  

I also took half a day off on Friday and Andrew and I just had a fun day of wandering around Manhattan, shopping and enjoying our favorite things of the season.  Do you have those things that you love doing every holiday season?   I love peppermint chip shakes from Chick Fil A, seeing the big tree down at the Festival of Lights, and heading over to Manhattan Brewing Company for some holiday beers, hot chocolate, and decorations.    Right now, we are in this weird transition as Andrew grows up of holding on to old things but also letting go.  I suspected Andrew had given up his belief on Santa and my suspicion was founded when he admitted he knew the truth.  I will tell you that while I suspected, it was still a punch to the gut that the era of magic was ending.  They grow up so quickly don't they?

I did run this week, just low miles and no speedwork.  Three 3 milers is okay sometimes.  I have a full week off next week and should be able to get back to some more quality runs.  

Have a great week y'all and Merry Christmas!

Week two of Joy to the Run AMR 2023 edition

What a crazy busy week!  I knew this week would be tough due to a HUGE experiment at work towards the end of the week and it did not disappoint.   Two twelve and a half hour days on my paycheck right before Christmas?  Yes please!  I have never really been able to buy the entire family and my friends good Christmas presents and this year I am going all out!  Let's look at the week shall we?

I got three runs in including the sweaty pits run in which was a pyramid run.  Easy warm up, run five minutes hard, rest one minute, four minutes hard, rest one minute till you got down to run hard one minute and easy one minute and cool down.  I think when I looked it was actually the light and bright ladder from last year, but still a lot of fun and a way to push myself to do a little bit of speedwork.  I also got an easy run in and a longish run.  I woke up Saturday not feeling 100 percent and while I wanted to do 11 miles, my body told me real quickly that 6 would be enough, thank you.  Stella ella even got to go with us since it was nice and cold and she loved it!  She may be 12 but she can still run and have a great time with us.  

As predicted no strength and yoga happened.  I needed all the rest I could get.  I'm too old for this shiz.  I feel like I am back in grad school but heh, OT is nice.  We have one more week of experiments and then we get a full week of nothing. I am so ready!    I am hoping Andrew and I can go do somethings together and enjoy the break we both need.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          

Mental check in:  Mostly good.  I hate seeing my hubby shoulder all the load for the business, but I had to let go.  I had to walk away and now I pretty much do sales tax and a little bit of scheduling software work and give the rest up.  Mentally I HAD to walk away.  He is slammed with work coming in, but no one is paying their bills, so not sure what is going to happen in the new year.  We are behind on paying several suppliers now because any of the money that does come in has to stay in the account to pay salaries and the bills that come out automatically.  We've never been behind on paying suppliers and it is killing both of us, but he more than me.  We feel like we are letting people down and at some point, they won't have grace anymore. I will admit I am scared for the future, but it is what it is and I can't hide.  We will figure it out one way or another. Pray that my anxiety stays on the low end so I can get through this mess that seems to happen once a year every single year.

                                                                                                                                            

Also this.  I love my friends.  I am so blessed to have some amazing mom friends who always say yes to my crazy ideas.  I saw an ad for a Christmas Party Bus in Manhattan.  Your ticket got you two hours of driving around and having 3 Christmas themed drinks with trivia and Christmas music.  

I put it out that I really wanted to have a mom outing and that I would love to do this with my football/wrestling mom tribe.  Three moms said heck yeah and we got tickets.  We had so much fun just letting lose, talking about life and our kids (they have boys the same age as Andrew and girls a year younger) and having some yummy food and shopping.  Find your tribe and surround yourself with awesome people.  If it weren't for my football family and my track family, I wouldn't have made it through some of the crap I have had to deal with this year.  

Have a great week y'all!  The Chiefs won, I only have one big experiment this week, and then we have Christmas and I can't wait!

Week one of AMR Joy to the Run 2023 Edition

Every year I delightfully sign up for Another Mother Runner's Joy to the World and every year the minute it starts I regret it.  Sigh.  Yeah, about working out every single day.  Not happening with my new job.  YES, I could get up at 4 am and work out and then go to work but I need all the rest and recovery I can get.  Maybe some day I will get back to strength and yoga but today is not that day.  I did break it down day by day but honestly, I will quit doing that next blog.  I love lifting, I promise I do.  I love kettle bells and bars and plates.  I love a good strength work out but when it comes down to it, if i have time, I am running.  

Monday:  Should be Warm Fuzzies/30-40 minutes of some sort of movement.  For me it was a nah dog, I need rest.  I had already skipped the first day, last Friday, as I hate yoga and was quite frankly was just exhausted, and I had skipped the rest day as we had our 5K.  Never fear, I can move things around.  Maybe.

Tuesday:  Wake up and sleigh and One Wooly Mile.  Again, switched things around as I really wanted to do a run and got my Warm Fuzzy run done.  Boom says thanks for the run MOM!  Got 3 miles done.

Wednesday:  Basically fun speedwork.  Run easy to one song, moderate to another, hard to the next, and then back down the pyramid.  I always love this one.  Except i worked an 11 hour day and I was exhausted.  The last thing on my mind was running or working out, even yoga.  Got home, took the family to one of our local restaurants, and then went to bed.  

Thursday:  Strength training and one wooly mile.  ONLY worked 9 hours so had a little bit of energy to tackle the speedwork I missed the day before. I love the song intervals and got super lucky that I hit the longest song on the playlist on my "easy" interval.  Whew.  

Friday:  Christmas party for work.  Yeah, nothing happened this day.  Got fancy, had some drinkies, played black jack, and won a raffle prize.  The food and company was amazing and I truly feel like our company is one big family.  I have been so lucky in that most of my jobs have felt that way.  I love this team and I am excited to see what we can do in 2024.  

Saturday: Long run day!  Today was fancy pants day and I had my gypsy runner pants ready to go.  I wanted to 10 miles and despite many talks with myself about quitting due to the crazy Kansas wind, I held strong and got my 10 miler done.  We also headed to another very cute small town in Kansas, Holton to be exact to celebrate Christmas with cute little Christmas parade, amazing pizza, and good beer at the local brewery.  Plus, spending time with some of my most favorite people in the world = priceless.

Sunday:  Try and catch any and all work outs I missed while also doing all of the house work and watching the chiefs play.  I did get a ton of hair chopped off by one of the football moms and got some great advice on how to navigate my thinning, fine hair.  If anyone else has advice, I am all ears.  I am now trying some new serum and shampoo and hoping that all three things combined will help.  I finally right before bed resigned myself to pick one of the strength work outs. I am SO very out of shape when it comes to any type of strength that I had to do push ups on an incline and plank rows on my knees.  Oh well, I have to start back somewhere right?  One of my co workers so wants to do a work out class in town and I am tempted as it's at 5:30 am and I am usually up.   Stay tuned.  

I am going to be very, very honest here.  This plan while fun and full of all kinds of cool strength exercises and yoga just isn't going to work for me this year.  We still have two more weeks of hell at work (their words, not mine) and with me working probably multiple 12 hour days next week, every ounce of rest and sleep are going to be needed to stay sane and upright.  My goal is to try and at least get one a week somehow but not to stress about it if I can't.  Have a great week y'all!

GIRLS ON THE RUN IS SO MUCH FUN 2023

Today I am going to focus on the positive. I am still battling some mental demons, but they have let up a tiny bit and for that I thankful.

Pardon his messy room, but my deal is if you want to live like a pig fine, keep your door shut.  I adore his cat and his love for his boy.  I walked in to see Andrew playing his VR headset and there is Elvis staring at him lovingly.  

We have hit the "I don't need a coat" stage of his life.  Sigh.  Middle school boys.  A day or two after this it was "I am wearing shorts" and it's 20 degrees outside.  

We have also hit the "I don't need a haircut" stage.  One of his friends at school has the exact red curly hair as his so I convinced him to let that friend's mom cut his hair.  Don't worry, she is a hairdresser and she knew exactly how to make him happy.  As always he looks SO grown up when he gets it cut.

Even though my job is seriously stressing me out to the max right now, I still love it and my co workers.  We did a new to me project, which tends to make my anxiety get pretty gnarly because I am super afraid of failure and my co worker stepped up, took the lead, and while we had hiccups, made it the best she could. I am proud of her.  

Running at night and seeing all of the Christmas lights brings me so much joy.  I love the cold, the twinkling of the lights, and the space to think.  

#teamwinter all the way!

We don't get to see family much over the holidays.  After we had Andrew and Santa became a thing, we stopped traveling back to Tennessee for any holiday.  Plus, having dogs, crazy red dogs at that, makes things even more complicated.  We have tried to build some new traditions that we can do as a family here in Kansas.  One of those is to go to a little town East of here named Saint Marys and go to their little dry goods store called Sugar Creek.  

They do Christmas right by having amazing ice cream sundae creations and the gingerbread house contest.   People do amazing work with these houses! We get to vote on the top three, but there were so many great ones that it was hard to chose this year.  

And this year they had a food truck park that had woodfire pizza, yummy chicken chili, and beer!

Sunday was about the Girls on the Run 5K.  I didn't get to coach this year thanks to my new job and it seriously broke my heart. I had hoped we could find some way to compromise and let me off in time to go over to the school, but with the types of experiments we do, it just wasn't possible.  Some of our football family had their twins doing the program this year, so when they needed a running buddy, I was ALL IN!  Except, whoops, they are super fast and I am not anymore.  It worked out great, we started together, and they kept stopping for me to catch up, but I finally convinced them to JUST GO!  The course was a bit long (almost 3.4 miles) and they finished around 32 something with me and another one of my favorite girls finishing in around 35 something.  I also got to see all of my girls from last year in the Heart and Sole program at the middle school and get lots of hugs.  It seriously was the best day ever....until the Chiefs lost but that is another story.  

Have a great week y'all!