Christmas week OFF

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!  We woke up to a white Christmas after being told it wasn't going to happen.  I mean heck, it was in the high 50s low 60s the days leading up to Christmas.  While the snow didn't stick around for a very long, it sure was pretty and made the morning magical.  I'll take a snow that keeps everything but the roads white any day.

If you have read my blog in the past few weeks you already know that my 11 year old son had declared he knew the truth about Santa.  I was kind of dreading our first Christmas without the magic of Santa, but actually it ended up being just fine.  He was awake wayyy too early and ready to unwrap presents without any mentions of Santa.  He did ask on Christmas eve to have the elf move one last time, which I obliged as I wiped away a little tear.  Everyone loved their gifts and I was so happy to see big smiles on everyone's faces.  Then my anxiety kicked in.  I hate that I have this horrible anxiety that always gets super kicked up at Christmas.  I start cleaning immediately and putting things away and I lose the fun of the day.  I had asked my hubby to cook one meat and one side this year and he didn't listen and started cooking more and more things and my anxiety really got the better of me and I said some things I shouldn't have.  I hate him spending all day cooking and then me spending all day cleaning.  It's not fun for either of us and I had hoped by putting a limit on the food and the type that I could circumvent that.  We got into a huge fight and the food ended up both burnt and overcooked and we spent our lunch in silence.  

I hate that. The good news is that we made up and both spent time cleaning and picking up, but I still hate that we go through that. I hate my anxiety and the troubles it causes on the daily.

 

Full stop, I love Christmas. I love giving.  It's so hard for me to even keep it a secret all of the days post buying people their presents that I usually have to wait till right before Christmas to buy anything.  Yet when the day comes, I turn into a fire breathing dragon.  I will work on this in therapy with my new therapist for SURE!

Andrew seemed super excited about all of his gifts which makes me very happy.  My mom went all out this year getting him Chief's bedding and lots of other goodies.  I didn't take many pictures, mainly just video, so mom could see him unwrap.  As he gets older, presents get less as he wants bigger things.  It was funny this year that the smaller stuff he loved the most, like the Old Spice Body wash set mom got him.  Of course as soon as he unwrapped his new VR headset he was gone and sadly to say I haven't seen him in a few days as of writing this. I am told this is normal for kids his age, but I miss the days of watching him play with his new toys.

I did get some running in this week, but nothing else, which is sad because I had plenty of time.  I just embraced the resting part of the week and read books, watched TV, and overall became a sloth.  My Strava app reminded me my year in sports was up, but I didn't even want to look.  This year has been my lowest mileage in all of my years of running and it is kind of depressing for me to see.   While my heart wanted to cut back and my body enjoyed cutting back, my brain hated it.  Also, as we all know as runners, once you let go of a certain part of your fitness, it takes a while to get it back and it's generally not fun getting it back.  At one point my base run was 5 miles and I would like to at least get back to 4 if not 5 as my base.    I actually got 4 runs in this weekly purely because I wasn't working and I was just hanging out in my pjs day in and day out.  Again, I would love to get back to at least 4 runs a week and maybe one or two days of strength training.  My co worker has been going to classes at 5:30 am at the local gym, so I think I am going to commit to at least 2 days a week of classes.  Even if I end up only going to one a week, one is better than none and they have classes that are strength only, which is perfect for what I want to do.    Someday I am going to get back to lifting heavy shit, I just need to get inspired and get on it.  

I posted this on FB and I think this is what I am going to end on.

I'm not sure what to say about this year. In some ways it's been mighty unkind to me and my family putting us through some horrible stuff. Then I look at the changes these events caused and while equally painful, I see so much good that I know will make 2024 so awesome. My therapist is having me find the helpers in all situations versus dwelling on the bad and I really like that. I started a new job and gained a new work family who has been behind me through Covid part two, major anxiety attacks, and having to be gone for my hubby's brain surgery. They even voted me Employee of the year, which means so very much to me that they felt like I deserved that. I found a new therapist who truly is helping me so much battle my new found anxiety that is relentless. She has helped me reframe several nasty situations in the past that is helping me better deal with future nasty situations or avoid them altogether (my new favorite word is NO). Several moms and their kiddos have stepped up to help me with Andrew getting him to and from sports, taking care of him when we had emergencies, and loving him like their own. And then there is the whole brain tumor fun where my mom and MIL rushed to KS to help me and Tony after one brief phone call and stayed for weeks, and our football and track family rallied around us to make sure we knew we were loved and taken care of no matter what the future looked like.

I am hoping 2024 is a little less bumpy. I feel like we've learned lots of valuable lessons in 2023. I am hoping 2024 is filled with good health, less anxiety, more good friends and good times. I am ready to spend more time at the track/sports field watching my kiddo do what he loves, run more and train for ultra races again, do amazing research at work, and watch my hubby enjoy his finally good health. Happy New year's eve to everyone!

Have a great week y'all and have a safe and happy New Year!