You might need a whole six pack for this one so hang on to your hats, crack open a cold one, and relax.
Let's start on a serious note. The whole #metoo campaign brings a
flood of really bad emotions back. I have always wanted to write a FULL
blog about what happened to me in grad school, and may still at
some point. But honestly, I am scared to death of being sued
for libel.
Everything in this account is true, it
happened. But the man I will only refer to as "he" is the
type of person who would sue for fun, and has the money to do it.
And I could not afford the cost of defending myself.
The gist of the scenario is that he was/is a
person in power, and at that time he was in control of my future and my
career. His words and actions included talking about my weight
constantly, making fun of me for being short, telling me I'm stupid,
and "joking" that the reason he hired me was that I
"fit under his desk, if you know what I mean"
to a crowded meeting full of scientists, in which I was the only
female. That represents just a tiny bit of what I, and others,
encountered.
It still makes me FULL on SICK that he got
nothing more than a slight slap on the wrist, paid leave, and little to no
consequence, despite the fact that I and twenty-two other
people, YES I SAID 22 of US altogether, came forward with complaints.
The university basically said over and over again that he brought in too much
money to terminate his employment. We were told the university couldn't
get rid of him, but would just "control" him. While I
do not believe there were any physical sexual assaults, and his words were used
as means of exerting his power over us, it makes me so sad that he has gotten
promotions, is back to receiving grad students, and has basically gotten
accolades for being such a great person.
I hope he has changed. I really do.
I forgive him. I have spent time in therapy and was prescribed anti depressants
to help me cope with what he put me through; but I forgive him. He
has made me one tough cookie and I actually thank him for that. I have
had to completely change careers, taking three years
and burdening me with $33,000 of educational loan debt. I had
to reassure myself by saying, "Oh well, I can't work in that
industry because of him, BUT I found a much more rewarding career in a totally
different field," and for that I thank him.
My
current boss, who sat beside me during the university hearings, and
wiped my tears away, and held my hand, has the best quote. I am not sure
where she got it from, but her advice has always been, "The best revenge
is living well." I remind myself and take her wise words to heart
every single day.
Moving on to something a little lighter now:) I am looking at the spring schedule for races. I am going back and forth from resting and maybe just doing some of the spring halfs I love, to wanting to do another spring marathon. There is a really fun local marathon that is not 10 minutes from my house, and is exactly on what I train on, which is gravel roads. They call it a trail marathon, and while parts of it are trail ish, there are several just rural gravel roads. It honestly sounds like heaven. Before the taper, I told my coach I needed a break. While I do need a break, the taper and the the subsequent recovery from Chicago and KC seems to have let my mind do just that. I don't think it is the miles that get me, it's the speed work that does. While I know many runners who never ever do speed work and do just as well at races, I know for me it is a necessary evil. I am even toying around with the idea of doing a 50 miler late fall early winter in 2018. While I know i absolutely can NOT handle heat and have to find a late fall early winter race, I think it could be doable. Thanks Lindsey for putting this thought into my head :) . Now to get this hip healed so I can run all the races!
Lastly, since I laid down some heavy stuff at the beginning, I would like to say that Andrew is doing much better at school. While he goes through small spells of bad days, that seem to be directly related to his ability to get tons of sleep the night before, we aren't getting the long string of bad days that we were. He has gotten all the way down to orange, which isn't good, but he isn't a robot and all of us have bad days now and again. His overall report was pretty good at parent teacher conferences. He is still having issues with the sitting and waiting for instructions and still has days when he reacts emotionally rather than rationally. He is a young 5 and I don't expect him to act like an older kid, and I know his teachers don't either. I think we have fair and reasonable consequences in place along with some random reinforcement for stringing together green days. I try not to get too bummed when he is bad and remember that his behavior is on him, not me.
Hope you aren't drunk now and have a great November! It's my birthday month so I am going to celebrate all month. It's my big 4-0 and I am excited to embrace my 40s!
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