#IHATESUMMERRUNNING

Hi, it's me your favorite cold weather runner.  I am in the throes of hating hot humid runs and needing to run due to mental health.  It's amazing how just three runs a week helps my overwhelming anxiety lately, so come heat or high humidity, I am getting some done.  Let's dive in shall we?

It's my blog and I am going to overshare once again so if you see me losing my shit, you know why.  Even though I have gotten my own job and have increased my income by twice, I am still part of my hubby's company, so still seeing the ups and downs.  About the time I got my new job 5 months or so ago, we had a huge setback when cash flow choked done to nothing and we had to borrow money as the bank didn't want to help us anymore.  While I was very angry at the time, I get it, they are a business too and they have to protect their own asses.  Anyway, we borrowed money from a company we know nothing about, probably will pay back twice what we borrowed and now suddenly we are at the same spot again.  I am not sure why this cycle keeps happening, although I see it coming every time.  We are so very busy and are highly sought after and are booked out for weeks.  Yet this keeps happening and the bank's words of you are not profitable enough keeps banging around in my head.  We are on year 7 and I feel like we should be turning a corner now as we have all of the big purchases done, all of the good employees, and all of the kinks worked out, yet here we are again.    I am tired of this merry go round and what it is doing to my hubby's health.  I honestly never wanted to be a small business owner and this whole journey has solidified that feeling.  I myself am not cut out for the ups and downs and the heart ache that comes with this whole thing.  I had hoped by getting my own job and making my own money that I could get over some of the anxiety I have about this, because truly I can cover the family and all of the bills if shit goes down, but here I am not sleeping and waking up at 3 am puking and freaking out.  My anxiety is really getting the best of me and I am really struggling because I have to be 100 percent mentally at my job right now.  So there it is.  Not sure what is going to happen, but I will as always keep you posted.  I'm firmly in the what if game right now and while the worse truly isn't the worst ever, it still scares me.  

Okay enough about my mental health if you have stuck around.  We did get three runs in last week but no real long runs.  The humidity is here to stay and it is killing us, so we are trying to run at night to avoid it.  We got two threes and a five and called it good since I still can't seem to get up early AND it's 100 percent humidity in the morning anyway.  

We had another market in Wamego and I scored this amazing Boom town hat along with some yummy fruited lemonade.  I still think it's funny we are on the signs for the Wamego community market.  

I did work at the feedlot at my alma mater and loved every minute of it. It feels so good to be home.  My co-worker lives in Manhattan and her dad is a football coach at Manhattan High School, so I had to laugh that we were repping different football teams.  

We also found 2 kittens when we got back from the feedlot.  While I would love to take them, we don't need more animals, and they would have to live in a dog crate for quite some time as they are so tiny.  Our local vet took them for now and have a cute cat condo for them to play in till they get adopted.  I love my vet and his big heart :)

We also checked out the local homebrewer and his beer.   He had put out an invite on social media and I was so excited to head over and try what he had brewed.  He had a blackberry sour, an orange ale, and a chocolate stout.  I loved all three and can't wait to see what he brews next.  SO many of our local community showed up and we got to actually meet several people that we have seen for years but didn't really know.  Community.  I love it.  The kids played till they were sweaty messes and then had smores.  Andrew made some new friends, threw the football with a kiddo he had met in wrestling a few years ago, and then had an epic water gun fight.  We all went home very happy.  

We also finished a week up at Camp Invention.  Andrew has been going since he was going into K and let me tell you, this sap was crying like a baby.  He can't attend anymore as he has aged out, but he can go back as a leader in training and he can't wait.  I love that this group of educators have pushed this fixed mindset kid to problem solve and to go way outside of his comfort zone.   He truly has loved every single year.  

Last but not least, I have a lot of gems in my life and I am truly blessed.  They are why I get through these tough times and I am so glad I have assembled a true team of great women to surround me, lift me up, and just listen.  I can't thank you enough, I love each and every one of you.  

Have a great week and a safe 4th of July!